Mistress Seiyoku - version mixx tape

You worried so much; you couldn't turn your eyes away.

Mistress Seiyoku

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<div style="position:absolute; top:0px; left: 0px; height: 100%; visibility: visible; id=" scroll3"="scroll3""> <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v77/saisyu_no_ougi/68d.gif"></div> <div style="position:absolute; width: 179px; top:285px; left: 443px; height: 100%; visibility: visible; id=" scroll3"="scroll3""> <style>a:link, a:visited, a:active {text-decoration:none; color:#000000; font-family: verdana; font-size:7pt; font-weight: bold; cursor: nw-resize; position: relative; top: -1px; left: 1px;} a:hover {text-decoration:none; color:#639806; font-family: verdana; font-size:7pt; font-weight: bold; cursor: nw-resize;}</style> # <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=mistressseiyoku&mode=full">User Info</a> # <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/allpics.bml?user=mistressseiyoku">Icons</a> # <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/friends/add.bml?user=mistressseiyoku">Add Friend</a> # <a href="http://mailto:aylajade@sbcglobal.net">E-mail</a> # <a href="http://seiyoku.takushii.net">Website</a> # <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/~mistressseiyoku/friends">Friends</a> Reason: Well this journal is mainly for icons. My friends pages had become flooded with icons and I couldn't find my acutal friends' entries. So here I am with this journal. I also needed a journal to keep my writings, this will be the one. Name: The name of this journal is also my AIM screen name. Seiyoku is Japanese for sexual desire. Contents: I am going to use this journal as a writing journal. My writings include violence, extreme vulgarity and somewhat disturbing situations. I am not saying that all of them are this way, in fact, I'm not sure of what exactly I will be posting here. Comments: Comments must be criticism but please make it constructive criticism and if you have something mean to say, just say it. Don't worry about hurting my feelings because it's not easily done. Friends: I will not add anyone as a friend. The only friends to this journal will be icon/graphic journals. If you want to become a friend please go to my main journal, <lj user="aylajade">. You can always add this journal if you want, I'm not stopping you. Warning: If you take offense to anything you see in this journal don't come crying to me. If you have read all of the above you will know what to expect. About me: I go by the alias' of Ayla Jade, Mistress Seiyoku, and Seiyoku. I am 18 years old and live in Wisconsin with my family. I have been called a dark and negative person by many people, mainly the people that know me best, others call me sweet and shy. I love all music except for country. My bestfriend is three years old, almost four, she is my cousin Michelle. I have a boyfriend named Vincent whom I love more than life itself, he is my angel, if not for him I don't know where I would be right now. If you would like to get to know me better then ask to be added at my main journal, <a href="http://aylajade.livejournal.com">Aylajade</a>. You can find my graphics journal at <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/densetsunokisu">DensetsunoKisu</a>. 10 Top Bands: 01. MUCC 02. Slipknot 03. Zero 7 04. New Earth Mud Band 05. Pierrot 06. Incubus 07. Olive 08. Ali Project 09. Sugizo & TSYJ 10. Lacuna Coil Layout Info: Layout by <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/aucune_gloire">Aucune_gloire</a>. </div> <img src="http://www."> class="x" scroll="no"> <style type="text/css">  </style>

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Every [09 Aug 2004|07:59pm]

[ mood | apathetic ]

[ music | Eagle Eye Cherry//Save Tonight ]

Everytime the phone rang I hoped it was you.
Everytime the phone rang my hopes were shot down.
Everytime my heart beats I think of you.
Everytime my heart beats my pain grows stronger.
Everything you told me is still here.
Everything you told me will stay here.
Everything you gave me I keep.
Everything you gave me I will always keep.
Everyday I wait for you.
Everyday I will keep waiting for you.
Everyday I wait I cry.
Everyday I will always cry.
Everyone around me doubts us.
Everyone around me will always doubt us.
Everyone around me will never agree.
Everyone around me think you're like everyone else.
Everything in me believes in you.
Everything in me is for you.
Everything I have is yours.
Everything I love is you.

01 · Record · Undo · Archived

Early morning hallucinations [09 Aug 2004|07:08pm]

[ mood | calm ]

[ music | White Town//Your Woman ]

Everyday I wake up to the same images. His face and then myself, by myself, standing in front of myself. In this image of myself I am doing something I have never done before. I am cutting myself. Cutting my wrists. I am seeing this like it is happening at this exact moment. I watch the blade of a freshly sharpened knife cut into my skin and the blood flowing out of my body, slow at first but then it becomes faster. A steady flow of blood and as I look up to my face, I see myself smiling. Then I feel the tears in my eyes and my body becomes numb. I wake up with tears in my eyes and my wrists, my wrists hurt. Maybe it's just in my mind but they hurt for an hour after waking up. This image haunts me until I hear his voice. Once I hear his voice I feel as though I have been saved. But before I feel like I should be dead, like I should have died long ago. If only I knew how to stop this image from coming back into my mind. I would rejoice. I would feel free. Feel something I've never felt before...

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Fear [06 Aug 2004|10:11pm]

[ mood | anxious ]

[ music | Pierrot//Dramatic Neo Anniversery ]

You lock me up to keep me safe
What you don't realize is that the greater danger is with myself
You fear the outside world
You fear that they will hurt me
But I do not fear them
The only fear I have is fear of myself
My emotions are false
I lie to keep you happy
To keep you safe
Maybe you are right to keep me locked up
To keep me hidden from society
This way I will only harm myself
You will stay safe
They will stay safe
I will finally be rid of this fear
This never ending fear
My lies will end
I will no longer force myself to be what I should be
To be kind, to be happy, to be human

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Questions [17 Jul 2004|09:37pm]

[ mood | indescribable ]

What am I?
Where am I?
Who am I?
What is this?
When will it end?
Will it ever end?
Is life stuck?
Or is it just mine?
Will I ever find myself?
Will I ever find my true calling?

Record · Undo · Archived

Hatred [09 Jul 2004|09:52pm]

[ mood | pissed off ]

If only I could tell her face to face how much I despise her very existence and the fact that she will soon be a part of my life makes it so much worse and harder knowing that I will never be able to tell her this. Living with this hatred will be my curse. I must overcome and learn to ... like her.

I am constantly wondering how she can be such a foul and cruel human being. I even wonder if she really is human. How can one be so horrible to her own offspring? I ask myself the same questions over and over again but I cannot answer them. I am puzzled to how this is possible.

All that I can be thankful for right now is that she hasn't killed him. Thankful that her and her husband, husband that is blinded by her lies, haven't killed him. Thankful that the man I love has not been destroyed by all of the pain and manipulation constantly circulating around him.

I can only hope that I will never end up so fed up with her that I do more than tell her how I feel. One day I will cave in, I will tell her the truth of how I feel. God only knows if that will be the only thing I do when that day comes. For the sake of our future I hope that is all I will do.

Record · Undo · Archived

First post [09 Jul 2004|02:26am]

Reason: Well this journal is mainly for icons. My friends pages had become flooded with icons and I couldn't find my acutal friends' entries. So here I am with this journal. I also needed a journal to keep my writings, this will be the one.
Name: The name of this journal is also my AIM screen name. Seiyoku is Japanese for sexual desire.
Contents: I am going to use this journal as a writing journal. My writings include violence, extreme vulgarity and somewhat disturbing situations. I am not saying that all of them are this way, in fact, I'm not sure of what exactly I will be posting here.
Comments: Comments must be criticism but please make it constructive criticism and if you have something mean to say, just say it. Don't worry about hurting my feelings because it's not easily done.
Friends: I will not add anyone as a friend. The only friends to this journal will be icon/graphic journals. If you want to become a friend please go to my main journal, aylajade. You can always add this journal if you want, I'm not stopping you.
Warning: If you take offense to anything you see in this journal don't come crying to me. If you have read all of the above you will know what to expect.

Record · Undo · Archived

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